Googling By Numbers

There are days when writing this blog is almost cumbersome.

Something’s getting to me…bad.

What’s that? you ask. Well it’s the slow but steady loss of faith in humanity that arises from constantly studying Google Trends

In short, people Google complete and utter crap and they Google it for 23 out of the 24 hours of the day.

But that’s OK! I WILL SURVIVE… at least for another blog post.

Today’s topic: no it’s not Justin Shenkarow going on Millionaire Matchmaker. Or Jenni Farley from Jersey Shore mooning us, which by the way is ridiculously not worth Googling because she probably does it all the time.

No I’m blogging about the only thing that’s mildly interesting today. The Apple ipad tablet... yeah I know the name sucks.

If you’re looking for some extremely detailed spiel on the ipad tablet… you’re in the wrong place buddy. I know jack all about computers.

But if you’re looking for a slightly sardonic take on what is set to be the hottest release for 2010 read on.

Today Terry McGraw said: “We have worked with Apple for quite a while – the tablet is going to be based on the iPhone operating system, and so it will be transferable,”

Now, I did a bit of snooping around and have deduced that the ipad is effectively one giant, seriously it’s huge, slab of plastic that mashes all the best elements of an iPhone and laptop together… they should have called it iMash.

I have also deduced that it’s a touchscreen you operate with some sort of pen thingy and you can load cds onto it and listen to mp3s, go on the Internet, read iBooks, have bluetooth and GPS.

What I didn’t deduce is whether you can call people with it…or take photos… both seem impossible judging by its size…seriously it’s bigger than a brick… you’d get carpal tunnel holding that thing to your ear.

But that’s aside the point.  I like my technology simple. I want my phone to call people. My camera to take pictures. My computer to do computery things. I don’t want them all mashed together into a white slab that costs more than a house and looks extremely scratch-able.

You can never figure out how to zoom on these iThings. You  always put in the wrong letters when you type because your thumb’s bigger than the entire keyboard. You cover the screen in sweaty, fingerprints every time you use it… it’s gross and way too complicated.

When did we become obsessed with having everything in one? The spork never managed to replace the spoon and fork. So why should the iSlab replace the phone, camera, mp3 and computer?

It costs more than all of those things put together and you almost always get shitter call quality/photo/sound than  if you used separate pieces of technology that were made to do one thing!!!!!!

So you can take your ipad tablet Apple, I’m not lazy enough to go and get my camera/phone/computer/ mp3 player when i need them… yet