do you remember how elliot smith killed himself?

he stabbed himself, didn't he? what an outrageous way to go. isn't there something easier?

like kurt cobain's way? a gun?

i don't know if that's any easier.

i think it's supposed to be hard. i think maybe they wanted it that way. to be sure - they were choosing death.

no one chooses death, not in his right mind.

how do you know which mind is right?

last night it felt like someone was gripping my heart with a hand of iron. i lay in bed on my back and i could imagine the relief of plunging a knife right into the center of my chest. i've never felt that before. i didn't understand elliot smith before but maybe i do now.

a voice tried to soothe me, saying, this isn't really you; just breathe and hold on and it will pass.

how do i know which is really me?

i'm sorry i haven't called you back. i'm sorry i haven't written - the words seem to vanish before i can type them. but i love you. and i just need a little time to discover my right mind.