jane, i just gotta say, i've been reading your site for months now, and i've always found it energizing, and incisive, and true, and passionate, and funny, and sweet. and i hope whatever is pulling you down into that black vortex you're in right now dissipates soon, because if someone as beautiful, and talented, and compassionate and fucking RIGHT ON about so many things can't make it through this fucking obstacle course called life, then the rest of us humans have little hope.

it's natural for artists to be self critical, because from day one we're gently reminded it's not as important as, say, anything else society values. but you can't be objective about yourself. look to your friends who love you, and your fans who love your music, and all the people who actually pay you to write. and get in the practice space and play music with your friends and let your muscle memory kick in, it'll tell you the truth.

yours in rock,
Bill

"The best cure for worry, depression, melancholy, brooding, is to go deliberately forth and try to lift with one's sympathy the gloom of somebody else."
~ Arnold Bennett (1867-1931)

"Great men suffer hours of depression through introspection and self-doubt. That is why they are great. That is why you will find modesty and humility the characteristics of such men."
~ Bruce Barton (1886-1967)

"Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate!"
~ Elaine Sherman

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. . . . The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. . . . If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
~ Charles M. Schulz

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life."
~ Boyd K. Packer (1924-)
American religious leader

"An old Arabian fable tells of a prince imprisoned in a castle which had thirteen windows. Twelve of these windows overlooked lovely scenes, while the thirteenth looked down on the black ash heaps of the city. Ignoring the twelve windows, the prince always looked out through the thirteenth. It is so often true that whether a person carries with him an atmosphere of gloom and depression or one of confidence and courage depends on his individual outlook."
~ James Keller
American religious leader & writer

"In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant . . . . My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known — no wonder, then, that I return the love."
~ Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

It's a good sign you can remember. My memory is affected by this condition to where I forget what I read & things don't fit. You have an imdomitable imagination that has spirit of its own.:)

It's a good sign you can remember. My memory is affected by this condition to where I forget what I read & things don't fit. You have an imdomitable imagination that has spirit of its own.:)

It's a good sign you can remember. My memory is affected by this condition to where I forget what I read & things don't fit. You have an imdomitable imagination that has spirit of its own.:)

Next time wake him up. I went through a horrible period where I could do nothing but have nightmares and wake up crying, if I was getting sleep at all. And my now husband would wake up in the morning, see the dark circles under my eyes from crying, from the sleeplessness, etc, and say "why didn't you wake me up?". He said that he wouldn't mind if I had to elbow him to wake him up, as long as he could hold me until I was feeling better. And merely knowing that meant everything to me. I still occasionally need someone to be awake with me to calm my thoughts once in a while, and I've never wanted for company since.

Jane, come oooonnnnnnn...I could pretend like these other fakers to hold your hand, tell you 'there, there,' but I wouldn't be doing you, my friend, any favors. In better times, you'd be one of the first ones to say that the tortured artist is one of the most worn cliches. Time to grab the reins and leave the self-help sympathy of your well-wishers behind. Yeah, this is tough love, but it's because I care.

i had one last night, too. when i woke up, i was a little freaked, but as i read your post, i can't remember what it was about either.

don't let it get to you .... let it pass.

Make peace with yourself by showing the character I know you have under that doubting, fearful exterior. Go out, shake doors down, begin living again and start building a future.

Jane-

As one of many artists out there who get depressed, sad, anxious and spend the better half of three month on self-induced navel gazeing (and believe me-when I navel gaze, I do it RIGHT)! The best thing I can say is:
SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER YOURSELF.
Now, keep in mind, I'm not trying to be a bitch about it, but indulging in this kind of repose for so long isn't healthy for you and those around you.
You have a good, beautiful, envious life Jane. You a pretty woman with a wonderful past and background, supportive friends, sucessful career(s), AWESOME websites, and you live in one of the best cities on the planet.
Count your blessings and appreciate where and who you are.
Good Luck

So, it looks like there is a time limit to how long we all have to deal with depression before the message turns to "get over yourself". Just so I'm clear, does this apply just to depression or does it apply to a broken heart, poverty, drug abuse, and cancer as well?

Does the message come from "tough love" or impatience?

if you're impatient reading about my depression, then i suggest you go read something else.

it's not possible to just "get over it."

if it were, i would have done that a thousand times already.

i'm not writing this to be entertaining to you. i'm not writing this to project some image of "tortured artist". i'm writing all this because this is how i feel. and it's impossible for me to write about anything else right now.

so if it irks you, well, fuck off. this isn't about you. self-indulgent? no shit. that's the point of a personal weblog, isn't it?