Welcome back Jane!

I'm glad Jane, I was worried :(

And welcome back!

happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

(^_^)

i suffered from crippling depression for a long time. sometimes everthing external in your life can look just fine, but there can be some fucked up chemistry in your brain that you cannot control through sheer will power alone. drugs help. therapy helps a lot. seriously, with todays pharmacology no one needs to suffer...

ps it's also been my experience that brilliant, creative people , esp. those who tend to think outside the box , are often afflicted by sadness...feel better soon.

Yay! I wasn't one of the e-mailers (because I know all about not wanting advice from strangers when you're feeling low), but you've been in my thoughts for a few days. I'm glad you're feeling better, and hope you can sort out whatever is ailing you.

P.S. I don't care how much great stuff one has going in their lives, sometimes the one piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit can make you uneasy and unhappy, in spite of everything else.

"I think if you're remotely intelligent you can't help being depressed. It's a positive thing to be. It means that you're not a crashing bore. I mean, you don't get support groups for rugby players, do you?" - Steven Patrick Morrissey

I did an interview with a man who suffers from depression (see Interviews page on UA). I really believe acceptance is the key. Accepting medication, therapy, the fact that alcohol is a depressant etc. We all have things we wish would just go away but they don't. Good luck Jane.

Why don't you get a job? Sitting around talking about how beautiful you think you are is shallow and non-productive. Working will give you something to think about besides yourself.

I would have wrote but you have made it fairly clear that I should not. No matter the case I hope things always work out for you.

Yes, it s drearily chilled over here in so-cal, & my augoraphobia is not helped by the fact I was fired. Luckily my bro-in-law+sis=Yazel went to middle east & I'm apartment sitting but its almost over. Sat around for a month listening to mournful rockabilly,Demode,3 Tenors, morrisey& sinead o' connor, & going over my journals, only to pop out, & get mail every few days, to see counselor & get out w/ friend to get eats. It seems like years went by but I'm in same place, crying, tired, & anti social (as I don't want people to be around my depressed self). I'm finally going the med's route(yuck)!Never like swallowing, maybe they have injectable? I'm trying to get out to the Hills above W. Hollywood where I'm apt. sitting, as nature alters my mood positively but temporarily. Music does that as well.
I can comiserate, that you feel like you can't complain, but you must persevere or ask someone to help u do so. Don't invalidate your feelings, their yours even if affected by the traitorous mind giving the middle finger in lack or excess of chem's! All these years I thought it was a personal thing, but its only biochem's, but that realization doesn't automatically alieviate the fact u suffer. I'm glad I caught your text, I helps a bit. Well let me go before I go on & on, its a post not a novela. Vaya con Dios. Heres rooting 4 u!

see, that's the thing... it's not about self indulgence.. the pull of it is so powerful...you know you should do a million other things... clean up, play with your kids... whatever. but, the couch beckons.. and the urge to just lie there and cry is so overwhelming... and the dust bunnies will still be there waiting for you another day...

glad to see you writing again. Having great potential can be a great responsibility and a great burden.

lord, if i could find your email address i'd email you. and orkut's down right now so i can't even use that last resort to hunt it down. oh well.

depression sucks. i just blogged about my own. turns out it was because my job totally sucked ass. but then they laid me off on friday and i feel so great right now it's inexplicable. sometimes it's hard to tell what's doing it.

my suggestions:

- think about circumstances in your life and how they might be making you feel. the most powerful way i've found to actually evaluate this is to take a single issue and imagine it different. like, when i thought about my job it didn't seem like it was getting to me, but if i then imagined myself in a situation where i had a great job with a small group of people i enjoyed working with on challenging, fun stuff, i just felt this surge of joy.

- if no circumstance seems to be the problem, start looking at other stuff, especially things you're consuming (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.) i just finished seeing "supersize me" last night and it quite effectively made the point that a poor diet can just destroy your mood. as i continue to practice yoga and try to clean myself up physically (better diet, fewer drugs, more exercise) i can really notice now when i'm depressed the day after i get stoned or how i'm moody after i've been drinking. shit affects you that way and sometimes it's just hard to hone in on exactly what it is.

- therapy: wow, so powerful. so, so powerful. 'nuff said

- i'm not a big proponent of pharmaceuticals for mood stabilization simply because it feels like they're overprescribed and in situations where they aren't the right answer, they mask the real problems. therapy, yoga, and eating better can do miraculous things for depression and furthermore they help you understand the roots of the problem. plus, antidepressants sometimes make that self-awareness harder because they numb pain and oftentimes it's necessary to really FEEL that pain to get to the bottom of things.

- finally, simple acceptance is pretty crucial, too. quoth brenda from six feet under: "once you really let yourself feel the depression, it gets really boring really fast." if you stop letting depression freak you out, and just kind of think on it with detachment: "stupid depression, god, i'll just ride it out" then it tends to go away faster, i've found. kind of goes along with the therapy idea of feeling your emotions without *becoming* your emotions. otherwise you can start to feel like the depression *is* you, and not see it for what it is: an annoying hanger-on.

anyway, sounds like things are improving. good luck; warmest wishes.

I hate to say it Jane, but I sort of agree with Tanya Evans. Not that you're shallow or unproductive, but that a job may help you out. I think that it's important for people to feel accomplished and successful. While there are certainly other areas of your life where you can get these feelings, a job is a short cut. You just have to find a job that you love.

Plus, idle hands really are the devil's playthings. Doing nothing is bad for you spiritually and emotionally. Everyone should have a reason to get up in the morning. Even when they don't want to.

In any case, I hope you feel better.

this is why i turned off the goddamn comments. people like tanya.

if you've ever suffered from anything like this, you'd know how stupid and callous it is to just tell someone to, essentially, snap out of it.

it doesn't work that way. now why don't you go off and do something wonderful, productive, and non-shallow. and leave me the fuck alone.