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March 09, 2004a wastrel's diary
yesterday was a total waste. we woke up and the sun was brilliant, flooding the room with light. we told each other our dreams. we made coffee, cut some grapefruit, and we had breakfast on the patio where it was warm before noon, which in the bay area is a precious occurrence not to be wasted. we smoked in the sun and told tales of the past until it was time to go. we both had work to do. we parted. i went home, tried to concentrate. the birds sang outside, a raucous joyous cacophony. the breeze stirred the fresh plum blossoms so they whispered against my window. the window let in the fragrance of young leaves, cut grass, and a wind that's traveled thousands of miles across a pure ocean. around 2 pm - i'd only been home for about three hours - i got a call. he was leaving early. but don't you have things to do? well, i do too. but i'm hungry. we went to lunch on 4th street. we walked in the sun. he had a torta al pastor which may be the new best sandwich in the universe (the former best sandwich in the universe is available at Espresso Experience in berkeley - they call it "beef teriaki" but really it's bul gol gi.) we dropped into Crate and Barrel like a couple of yuppies and he bought some highball glasses. i took him to Sur La Table and he went a little nuts. he: (holding up something that looks like a grater) i should get this. a moment to melt my heart. we went back to my house, we split a bottle of Corona on the back deck (he can't hang out inside because of the cats) and he read while i worked on the laptop in the shade until the batteries died. the sun dipped lower in the sky, making the air heavy and golden. the hills took on such a rich deep color. i feel like i want to paint, i said. we talked about the garden. what would make it nicer. once the weeds are cleared out - maybe a patio area, maybe some fruit trees in the back, maybe maybe. so, you have some work to do tonight? some fascist philosophy to study? yes. but even fascists have to eat, right? i couldn't let go of this perfect day. he let me distract him with kisses. he studied diligently while i picked up some meat - they had a gorgeous chateaubriand for not too much money. came back to his place. we opened the wine and rubbed the rich soft beef with a little olive oil and some salt and pepper. we put it on the grill outside. the stars were out, the moon was nearly full. there's a rabbit in the moon, you know, i said. where? show me. see, his his ears go off that way, his head is over there, and that's his body. in Japan we say that he's making mochi. why would a rabbit make mochi? it's a Buddhist tale. i mean, without the mochi. Buddha was in the forest, dying of starvation. all the animals in the forest wanted to save him, so they went off and gathered food for him. the bear brought berries, the deer brought leaves, i don't know. but the rabbit looked for food everywhere and couldn't find any. so in front of Buddha the rabbit built a little fire, and when it was hot he threw his body into it, saying that the Buddha should eat him, as he had no other gift. Buddha was so moved that he put the rabbit in the moon. so he didn't eat the rabbit after all? no, i'm joking. that's a beautiful story. it's better than saying the moon's a big wheel of cheese. ha. that's such a frenchman's fantasy. "look at all that cheese!" "we must get it before the americans do!" our laughter mingles with the laughter wafting up from the bar down the street. i can't imagine anyone's being unhappy today. the evening is still warm - i am wearing a short skirt and a light linen shirt loosely knotted over a bikini. i close my eyes and dream of the tropics, of palm trees and sand and bare-breasted women carrying fruit baskets. the meat was done, perfectly, just the way i like it - dark on the outside, dripping bloody on the inside. it was so tender you almost didn't need a knife. and for dessert, a tiny bite of fudgelike brownie warmed in the oven and some ice cream to cover it. sensual pleasures only beget desire for more. i've been thinking lately of the seven deadly sins. i'm not much prone to Envy these days, nor Greed. Pride - or Vanity, perhaps more appropriately - is a weakness but it does not control me. Wrath i have struggled with in my past but i feel it very rarely now. Gluttony i must admit to once in a while, especially last night. But my deadly pitfalls are Lust and Sloth. ah, lust and sloth. they often vie for prominence in my life. i often think they ought to be packaged together - two sins for the price of one! we joke about it: Slust, we say. although i am not sure - i mean, i can see how Wrath and Greed and Envy are destructive and deadly. i am not so sure about Lust and Sloth. a day like yesterday was made for Sloth, Gluttony, and Lust. today i will practice industriousness, sensible eating, and chastity. but let me have one day of a wastrel's pleasures. the luxury of a wasted day not wasted on working. and let me not be too strict on that chastity thing later tonight, either. posted by jane at March 9, 2004 12:28 PM | TrackBackComments
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