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October 08, 2003Yarn
I return from Tokyo unburdened by attachment, but still fettered by feeling. It is better this way, I told myself on the bus to Narita airport, and while I could not hold back a few tears, I did not cry as much as I thought I would. As the bus passed through fields and quiet streets, I felt a long unraveling of my heart, a skein uwrapping, and still the string tugging at me, flowing out behind me tied to something which would hold me here, if I did not cut it swiftly. I felt I was literally being strung along, with vague half-promises and messages of hope mixed with the bitterest reprisals and reprimands. Merely lengthening a lead is not enough to call freedom. So I freed myself. And I sat on the airplane thinking of my mother, and thinking that life is too short for waiting, too short for recriminations and regrets, too short for anything but living. posted by jane at October 8, 2003 09:21 PM | TrackBackComments
i am sorry you are so sad. it sounds like life has thrown you many tough changes lately. i do hope that the pain lessens quickly. us capricorns like the tried & true pathways of stability, but sometimes we need to be shaken up, as painful as that is. we feel things deeply and sincerely, hence our difficulty 'letting things go.' but once we make up our mind, we are strong in our decision. hang in there. Posted by: ms. mo at October 8, 2003 10:43 PMSending positive thoughts in your direction... Posted by: C(h)ristine at October 9, 2003 05:07 AMyes. Posted by: le at October 9, 2003 10:14 AMI applaud you. I'm in the same situation and am too frightened to leave my mother's basement now that I don't have someone by my side all the time. I'll get there... sooner or later. But ... seriously, you're doing a great thing. Posted by: Monty at October 9, 2003 03:58 PMsadness, but good for you. there's so much positivity in what you wrote-- you just need some distance from it to realize just how positive it is. good, good, good. you don't know me, and likely never will. and so it's odd and perhaps inappropriate to comment. but it is also strange to see two people live out their lives in a public forum-- what's public? what's private? are they open to comment from strange people because they choose to document details publicly? I dunno. howard? what sez you? and so at the risk of being inappropriate i will say: i'm sorry that boy didn't support you better. i'm sorry that you and he couldn't figure out how to work in harmony. because from the outside at least it was magical. seemingly. and i wanted to believe for you. for me. for all of us. but, alas... go be free. go live. Posted by: tim at October 9, 2003 04:46 PMThat was nice Tim, you said what I have thinking, and I even posted about it on my blog. I dont want to overstep my bounds either, and you aren't sure what is fair game, but I just think about how I would feel if it were me, and I would just want my online friends to be supportive. Posted by: Liz at October 9, 2003 05:49 PMI don't know how my name came to be invoked, or whether I am the Howard invoked, but I will say that I love you, Jane, and want only the best for you, and hope you can find the resources within you to create the happiness you deserve. I have enormous faith in your intelligence. Your wit and intellect are extraordinary resources, and I hope you can use them to your advantage. I will also say for other readers that nobody from the outside really can understand what happens between two people. I hope we meet again. And I hope you know that you are always welcome in our home -- you certainly have a place in our hearts. tim, beautifully said! Posted by: erika at October 9, 2003 10:13 PMThanks Posted by: Stephanie at February 20, 2004 09:02 PMNew SUVs; The best new suvs can be found on the internet, at the best suv prices from the best and most trusted suv dealers. Searching for a new suv is easy online! And that's a fact! I can't think of a better reason than that! Posted by: Christina Markson at March 25, 2004 03:22 PMNew SUVs; The best new suvs can be found on the internet, at the best suv prices from the best and most trusted suv dealers. Searching for a new suv is easy online! And that's a fact! I can't think of a better reason than that! Posted by: Christina Korff at March 25, 2004 03:24 PM |
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 silly, fun, kinda interesting cinematic effects; paced like a videogame. The Rock is a decent comic actor as well as credible action hero. cool fighting scenes.  in spite of some good performances, i couldn't get over the condescending tone. it's a classic case of straight guy pretending to be gay, getting the girl and a better job, and safely being able to declare that he's straight - and escaping thr real problems of homophobia. left me feeling a little icky.  lulu gave me this book. it's magical. set in a fantasy industrial age new york city, suffused with mythology.  a great game. scary. i can't play it unless jesse's home. even then it's hard. i make him play it so i can cower behind the blanket and tell him to watch out for the bad guys. yeah, i'm that much of a wimp.
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