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September 16, 2003school
i dreamt last night i was a mother, bringing my daughter to kindergarten for her first day of school. she was nervous and she hid behind me. i tried to reassure her by acting as if everything was normal and all right, but i knew it wasn't. i felt anxious too. i could see my daughter's future spread out before her, growing up in elementary school, in junior high, in high school - all the problems she'd encounter, all the frustrations, the pain. and i felt very sad and frustrated that i couldn't protect her from all that. posted by jane at September 16, 2003 01:23 AM | TrackBackComments
How did you feel about it when you woke up? Did you laugh about how hubristic it is to think you could protect your child from the pain in life? Or did you still feel frustrated for what could be seen as ultimately failing at the parent's main directive, to protect their child? Once, when I was about eight years old, I found myself watching Pat Robertson's show, "The 700 Club". I was just channel surfing and ended up settling on that channel for some reason. Pat started to openly deliberate the hazards of "bringing a child into the world." After lamenting the pains of life almost as a Buddhist might, Pat finally came to the unusual conclusion that bringing a child into the world is essentially a selfish act. He felt that life is too hard and too painful to bestow on an innocent soul. Even as a kid, I somehow realized that this attitude seemed to be a departure from the standard viewpoint of the religious right. Somebody must have slipped something in Pat's coffee that morning. Implicit in Pat's analysis was the belief that non-existence is better than existence. Humans are special, however. We are the only creatures that seem to be aware of the vastness of the universe around us and who ask questions about its origin. It's quite a phenomenon. Similar, almost, to your copy of Microsoft Word suddenly becoming self-aware as it begins to ask you questions about why it is installed on your machine and how it came to be developed. Perhaps it is a gift to bestow that kind of cosmic cognizance to a living creature. Dreams are visual metaphores, subliminal messages, what have you. If I had to guess (and of course I can't do a good job of it, I've been reading your blog for very little time), both the child and the mother are you. The child is you looking at the future and feeling uncertain, and the mother is also you, looking at the past and present, but trying to pretend they don't color your future. Given that you've suffered such a personal loss recently, you're probably still feeling your way around how the aftermath is making you feel, hence the uncertainty about the future. Losing a loved one causes that kind of turmoil. But the you that looks at the past and present is also right in encouraging you to keep going despite of all the uneasiness. After all, your past made you who you are, and at the present you're a strong, beautiful person both on the outside and inside. You may worry that you won't be okay, but you will. You got through rough patches before (the frustrations in the past that the mother is imagining for the daughter), you'll get through this too, with time and care. Take care. Posted by: Annalisa at September 16, 2003 10:21 PMI think you are just grieving Jane, it's natural. Posted by: Liz at September 16, 2003 11:14 PMFashion exists for women with no taste, etiquette for people with no breeding. Posted by: Vazquez Teresa at May 3, 2004 07:41 AMHello, nice work! I share your point of view. If you have the time visit me, you'll find interesting infos. Posted by: penis enlargement at May 23, 2004 02:34 PMGreat news... Blackjack it"s awesome be the dealer casino bonus the btd everything Internet Casino is just bethedealer fantastic Online Casino i"m crazy Online Poker we have won so much money Poker that a great chance Roulette i would thought Casino about winning Google i mean casino blog Posted by: casino at May 26, 2004 10:23 PMWWW.E-CREDIT-CARD-DEBT.COM Posted by: click here at June 5, 2004 09:48 AMGet www.all-debt-consolidation.org help with your credit problems here! Posted by: debt relief at June 14, 2004 01:55 AMHmmmmm interesting zapraszamy po czadowe gry java na gry java nokia,
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