i dreamt that i was riding in a convertible, and i gave a young man a ride. he was a golden-haired athlete with a breezy manner. i was feeling free and powerful, and it was pleasant to flirt with him. it made me feel good.

he enjoyed it, too. i pulled up to his house. he leapt out, said goodbye, then hesitated. he leaned over the open window on the driver's side and, hair falling in eyes, asked if he oculd see me again. i laughed and suggested we meet right now, in his apartment.

i followed him up the stairs. his place was extremely nice - beautiful warm wood, floor-to-ceiling windows that opened up onto a tree-lined view. there was his bed, in the middle of the room. but we sat on the couch for a bit. i boldly asked him if he wanted to go to bed with me. he assented.

kissing, we moved effortlessly to the bed. but as we fell into the covers a chill came over me. he was holding my wrists very tightly. i told him it hurt, but he didn't seem to hear. suddenly i grew very afraid. what had i gotten myself into? i had no idea who this guy was. i was terrified. i told him to stop. i couldn't struggle against him without injuring myself. and when i looked into his eyes i was suddenly sure that he meant to do me harm. but in my dream i was powerless to act.

i woke up sweating. i felt terribly guilty at first because it was all my fault, and then i realized that it wasn't wrong of me to want a casual fling; it wasn't wrong of me to resist when it turned in a direction that frightened me. more than anything, this dream simply reinforced for me my conviction that rape is never a woman's fault.